Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
