I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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