she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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