Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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