just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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