six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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