That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
