Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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