So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
either way he was missing a nipple.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
