just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize