Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize