i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
