Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
