Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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