just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize