In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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