And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
