glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
