did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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