i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
