I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
