Fuck appropriateness.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize