Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
