Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
