If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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