I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
