The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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