I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize