is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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