Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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