Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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