People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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