Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i think my tv is drunk
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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