sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
