I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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