The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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