Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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