I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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