i don't like sucking hair
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
