Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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