Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
