If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize