I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
