I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
