swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
