So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
