HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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