the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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