Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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