3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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