Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
