i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
