I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
