At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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