Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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