today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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