i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
