i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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