Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
