i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
