I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
