Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
