My boss' voice literally gives me gas
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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