Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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