I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize