well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
