...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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