You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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