Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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