that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
