I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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