Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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