I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
