I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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