dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
