I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
