yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize