moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Found your dick twin last night
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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