Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
