just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
