Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
