Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
