Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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