Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
