my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize