Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
