Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
