Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
