Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
