hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
