Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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