Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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